What to do if your man seems unfocused or doesn't listen to you

What to do if your man seems unfocused or doesn't listen to you

Men get preoccupied. Don't confuse that with a loss of passion for the relationship he shares with you. 

Boys will be boys. And boys get WORRIED! Never mistake their worrying with your relationship losing steam! The connection the two of you share is something entirely different.

Does this sound familiar? 

You meet a handsome, interesting fellow. The chemistry quickly builds up to romantic attraction and a desire that is clearly mutual. 

That special connection is palpable then and there. Like you've both been speaking the same language forever. And then, he begins to sing another tune, and emotionally withdraws. 

You feel he's a million miles away. He worries all by his lonesome, seemingly unwilling to share his thoughts or feelings whatsoever, completely unlike the way he acted before.
Idle conversation fails to awake any form of attentive response. Sometimes, you even think to yourself that you feel completely alone while in his presence.

What is the source of this? Must all men retreat after first showing they do possess the necessary skills to connect with women in a truthful way? What dynamic is behind this?

The answer is in their wiring, as in, their motivational drive. He is genetically predisposed to center his attention on the latest or hardest "task" at hand.

However, this clearly would not mean he has stopped loving you! It would only imply some other "mission" is momentarily blinding him to the rest of the earth. And now is when things get complicated!

As he seemingly pulls away from you, you feel in your gut something's amiss. Logically, your preexisting insecurities rear their ugly heads, as do any and all negative emotions you've buried or held on to. The result is you being snappy with him, perhaps even passive-aggressive.

Your general mood at this point would be best summarized by the subtext, "Why are you doing this to me?"

On the other front, his mood is centered around the notion of: "Reduce distractions and focus on taking care of the problem that has come up." Here is the operative issue present: the "problem that has come up" is almost always completely unrelated to you. 

A biological imperative and ecological pressures continuously reinforced the predisposition of men for mission-mindedness. In fact, the status of a man's mission determines a lot about his emotional state. If the mission is sailing smoothly, he is filled with an energetic joy. At such a time, he is far likelier to be emotionally engaged and present, listening to the most minute details of your life.

However, the flip side is that unexpected circumstances or unforeseen hardships that make him feel his current "mission""'s progress is in jeopardy.

While women are likely to consider a relationship as a mission, men far less often conceptualize it as such. For them, relationships are fun things you do after you finish working on your mission.

Thus, predictably, when dark clouds gather above his place of work, his business, or whatever other goals he has decided to pursue, he will become completely distracted. Sometimes you might feel he's spending time with you only because he HAS to.

See, being a top priority in his life doesn't quite feel like it when he's worried with one particularly hard or cumbersome mission. Women are often very frustrated and hurt over time by circumstances like these, after deciding to invest their lives in men.

So, how do you deal with this?

There's always burning bras, hating men and ignoring them forever. Or seeing them as overgrown children, mocking their clearly inferior relationship skills. But, far more productively, you could employ this newfound knowledge to adapt in a way that really lets you get what you've wanted.

How to make it in the long run? It's a well-kept secret by women, but here it is!

Long story short: When he begins to become distant, don't show anger, frustration, or passive aggressive attempts to make him "feel your pain". 

That would simply reinforce his idea that the relationship must be ignored in order to more successfully carry out the difficult mission.

Instead, get him talking about the emotional impact of the difficulties he is facing. 

Men don't do this naturally, not on their own. He will likely be surprised by the amount of relief he might experience from this.

Your gentle questions and patience function as "scaffolding" to allow him to reach a level of emotional expression higher than what his own skills could accomplish.

Don't offer to fix things. That is emasculating behavior that may cause him to react as if you accused him of outright incompetence. Just ask him what he needs to focus on right now. 


If (when!) he starts talking about the circumstances instead of the feelings, just wait until he's finished, then ask why those circumstances are so important to him.

Using the word "important," conveys respect for the mission he's on, which causes him to see you as an ally rather than a tempting distraction to avoid. Help him express his feelings and sort out the conflicts he may be experiencing internally. 

Next, give him space to work this out. 

He will return to you a fuller engagement and even greater commitment and interest if you give him time and continue to be emotionally supportive.

Meanwhile, women who don't understand this secret of the male mind will punish their guys away with increasing displays of negative emotion. He will have little tolerance for such emotion when he feels his focus needs to be elsewhere. 

Don't let your relationship end like so many before it.

Instead, be the woman who bedazzles him. Go inside his head and become irreplaceable as the one person in his life who seems to support him and understand him when he needs it most.

If you would like to learn more about how men think, and what it takes to keep a guy while building the best relationship possible, click on the link below.

Learn the #1 Hidden Reason Men Fall In Love (He'll Thank You For This)